My Uplifting Tune of the moment

 

Right in the night
Right in the night
Right in the night you’ll find
That if you want to fall in love you’ll fall in love

Right in the night
Right in the night sweet thing is what you’ll get
When you fall in love, you fall in love

Fall in love with music, fall in love with dance
Fall in love with anything that makes you want romance
Make a little softer on the way that you go
Just think that everything you touch could turn to gold

Fall in love with everything that you would love to love
You know that laughter is a kind form to wake you up
So don’t make me feel unpleasant like you do
You know that everything will fall right back on you

So fall in love with everything, fall in love with life
Forget about your troubles and be a little nice
You will not see me if you don’t want to look
Just come and get me in my big big bed of love
Big big bed of love

Right in the night
Right in the night
Right in the night you’ll find
That if you want to fall in love you’ll fall in love

Right in the night
Right in the night sweet thing is what you’ll get
When you fall in love, you fall in love

So fall in love with stories if fairy tales are true
Innocence is part of what you’re losin’ with your youth
Show a little confidence, show a little class
Don’t kiss the past, the past ain’t gonna last

Just fall in love with passion, fall in love with lust
Fall in love with all the things you’re always dreaming of
Fall in love with music and you will get by

Right in the night
Right in the night
Right in the night you’ll find
That if you want to fall in love you’ll fall in love

Right in the night
Right in the night sweet thing is what you’ll get
When you fall in love, you’ll fall in love

By newpaz

Negative Positive Thinking

Image

 

 

Here is the perfect example of negative positive thinking to me.

One, you can’t smile when you are feeling like shit.

Two, life feels way too long when you are unhappy.

Three, if you feel like crying, you should cry, whether or not it’s “reasonable”

Four, if it makes you want to cry, it ain’t worthless.

I have recently started to look through positive thinking quotes and found so many negative ones I decided to start my own Facebook page of positive thinking quotes, also injecting some humour into it, because when you truly think positively, you want to have fun.

Positive thinking should never be at the expense of someone else. You cannot be thinking positively if you still have anger, hold grudges, have unresolved issues or low self esteem.

Working on yourself first is the only way to be truly positive.

And any that mention God really put me off. No, it’s not thanks to God, or his big plan that you can be happy, it’s thanks to you.

 

The challenges of being positive

As I mentioned earlier, being positive is a process.

First off, I believe you cannot be positive until you have sorted out what is stopping you.

Image

When I was going through depression I kept receiving “positive thoughts” emails I had subscribed to before my depression. They actually started to make me so angry and more depressed. “Yeah yeah yeah, I know, I know, I need to be positive, but right now, all I feel like doing is curl up and disappear, so you can piss off with your positive thoughts”.

I attended CBT for a while at the time, and found it really unhelpful, as it was mostly focussed on understanding how your behaviour needs to change for your world to change. When you are depressed, that brings you down even more, because you realise it is your fault your life is crap

Something however did come out of those CBT sessions that was a bit of a turning point for me:

“Both affirmations and traditional positive thinking involve seeing yourself as self assured and confident. The goal is to make yourself feel good by focusing on what can be done and then doing it. Positive thinking is a mental attitude that expects success and favorable results.

If you are depressed you clearly do not yet live in a “can do” and “will do” place just yet. Therefore, positive thinking at this point isn’t going to be motivated as it’s false. Repeating “I can get through this!” when you really don’t know if you can, or reciting affirmations of “I love life!” when in reality you are thinking about quitting life are both examples of being false or lying to yourself.”

When my depression became too hard to bare and I was starting to seriously think about doing away with myself, I went to see my doctor and insisted on medication, which he had up to then refused to give me, hoping I would get through this myself. I actually saw another doctor and he agreed to give me a low dose anti-depressant. This was enough to lift the cloud and I started to be able to cope with life again.

What really helped me though was to stop drinking completely. I was then able to start thinking clearly, and face my failures: I had lost a man I loved deeply and to my best friend, who I loved deeply too and I hadn’t been able to cope with it.

Instead of feeling a victim, I started to assess what had happened and why it had happened, and eventually I realised it was all my making. That realisation was what changed my life.

Image

To cut a long story short, I saw what I had done wrong in the relationship and why I did those things. I also understood why my husband left me, and even why he went to my best friend. I was then able to forgive him, and then, most importantly, myself.

And I started to feel so good about myself that positivity entered my world.

At first, my mind was bursting with excitement, I became really high on life, slightly manic, starting lots of projects that brought me joy, wanting to spread the word too, and felt so happy it scared me a little at times (“could this really last?”)

It wasn’t long before I realised I had to try and calm down a bit, life was still life and there were still issues to be dealing with, I think I even became overbearing to some of my friends.

Being positive brings new challenges to your life. As your state of mind changes you, it makes you re-assess your current life. And that’s not fun. Because you realise some of it has to change. Obviously as, up to then, you made do with what you had. When you become positive, you realise some part of your life brings you negativity.

And so my journey into changing my world for the better starts now….

How positivity works

Some three months ago, I stopped drinking alcohol. Well, to excess at first.

I thought I’d take it slow to begin with and still drunk the occasional beer here and there. I didn’t want to rule alcohol totally out of my life because I didn’t want to feel “different”, but that’s a story for another post.

A few weeks later, one evening, while visiting a neighbour, I had more than the one drink I had allowed myself in one session. And I got a bit tipsy. Not that tipsy, but enough to know that I had had a drink.

The following morning, I woke feeling really down and really didn’t have a good day. I realised then that alcohol was indeed a depressant, something I had never felt during the time I was drinking heavily. Of course during that time, if I was feeling down, I’d drink again as soon as I could, ie at the end of a work day, and all seemed fine again.

So I decided to knock alcohol on the head altogether and I have felt better and happier even since.

A similar realisation happened to me recently with regards to positive thinking.

For the past two weeks, I have felt extremely positive about my life and good things have started to happen. My world has become a nicer, friendlier place and I have had great uplifting experiences, even down to enjoying the medical procedure I had done last week which should have been anything but enjoyable, yet, it was a very uplifting moment for me, due to the friendliness of the staff (see thank you post below).

One evening last week however, I was troubled by something to do with this new relationship I am entering.

I wasn’t feeling all that positive, in fact, I was feeling pretty low. During that evening, a friend of mine posted something on my facebook wall about Cannabis and its possible effects on the brain.

I read the article and got offended. I deleted it off my wall and emailed my friend saying I had removed it because I didn’t want my other friends to know that (old) part of me. She replied saying she had only posted it because I had been saying that I believed Cannabis affected the brain and could cause mental health issues, and the article was proving me right.

Wow. So there she was trying to do something good and positive for me, yet, I took it as a personal attack. And all because I was feeling low that evening.

Now I know without a shadow of a doubt that YOU and only you can control your world.

Image

Being positive is a process

creation

I have been struggling to find a way to start this blog. There is so much I want to write about but, when you are in a positive place, revisiting tough subjects is the last thing you feel like doing.

So I thought I would talk about being positive. I guess this blog will show my journey to living life positively.

As my About page mentions, I have gone through quite a ride in the last two years. This past week though something clicked in me and I can now say I am genuinely happy, probably for the first time in my life.

How did I get there? Well, I looked deep inside myself and saw what it was I had been doing that had prevented happiness all these years.

It’s not rocket science to be honest. Well it wasn’t for me.

First step I took was to get rid of the one thing that was preventing me from really feeling: alcohol. Like more and more people do these days, and many without realising it, I had taken refuge in the arms of alcohol to avoid dealing with my feelings. It was so much easier to forget about problems after a couple of drinks. Those couple of drinks became many more and more regularly. Until they became my social life. It didn’t help that the people around me had the same philosophy, so it was quite acceptable to have a couple of beers after work and wine with dinner.

But I realised a few months back that this escapism actually makes things worse. This will be an entry for another time though. The influence alcohol has in this world merits its own post.

So I stopped drinking and within a few days, I found all sorts of emotions surfacing that I needed dealing with. It’s funny actually, when you have a clear mind, you are more able to process your emotions. And there I had been, so scared of dealing with them, that I had tried to repress them.

Processing emotions is the only way to a more positive life. Why do I feel this way? How can I stop it?

Slowly but surely I was able to process the emotions that had been holding me back, all my adult life.

And suddenly, one day, I realised what had gone wrong in my life: me!

No more blaming others, no more feeling a victim. When you have that realisation, positivity just opens its doors. Because you realise you are the sole person in control of your life.

I know it’s cliché and you have heard it a million times. But to really understand it, you need to realise you are the problem. You are the one with issues that you need to address. No-one can do that job for you.

And something amazing happened, I realised why my husband left me (my issues didn’t make me a nice person to be around), and even why he went straight to my best friend (he had issues too). People don’t do hurtful things without having their own issues.

And I realised if I had dealt with mine before meeting him, I probably wouldn’t have gone there. It’s the other cliché of like attracting like.

I read a book once by John Gray, and the one phrase that has stuck in my mind ever since is “Your soul attracts what it needs to grow”.

When I look around what my life was like before we broke up, I see us surrounded by people who liked their drink too, as much as we did, one to the extreme that he beat their friend to near death (the chap actually died soon after), blaming the fight on an argument during an alcohol fuelled night. I see people who smoked pot, as I did. I see people struggling to find their purpose. I see broken people.

Now I look around, and yes, there are still people struggling (because let’s not forget that is the problem with the world) but none are drinkers and pot smokers for instance. And the drinkers I do know know they have a problem and are quitting too.

My life is changing for the better because I am changing for the better. Simple.

Now, as the title suggests, being positive is a process. Once you get this realisation, at first you can be very excited, and soon you will come across situations that deflate you, or cause you trouble. That’s when the process truly starts, how you deal with those situations. Either you go back to the old you, disappointed that you couldn’t do it, or you realise that this is life. There will be situations that will test you. All because that’s the problem with the world, it’s full of people with their own issues, and most are in denial.

That’s where I am at now. At the very beginning of my journey to living a positive and happy life. I am learning to deal with situations that might upset me or make me anxious.

I am lucky though because I am starting from a clean slate, being single, having only a handful of friends and doing a job I love. When you start working on yourself, you need space and minimum influences from others to get clarity about your emotions.

So this is where I start my journey. So far so good 🙂

It all starts with learning to love yourself

As if by magic, days after I came to that conclusion myself, I came across this article.

By Mina Vintila

Romantic love…a fleeting, priceless thing in a pricey world. Where do we look for it? In dreams, in visions, movies, in our own ideals we have of others? The endless search for a life partner, a soulmate, a confidante that knows no bounds, one might say, is a universal search. We seek for another soul to hear and share our deepest secrets with, we yearn for a bond unrestricted by time, space, or any other material concept that may stand in our way. Ultimately, we seek a kind of acceptance and connection that makes us feel at home and utterly safe. However, by definition, this search is almost entirely an inner search. What do we need but a counterpart that feels like a much too familiar part of our Self? More like kin, a closeness that just gives and lasts without ever being exhausted. It is a search that must collapse all expectation into naturalness, that must give up thoughts and ideals to the eyes of the heart. It is a sight that is inner, and so most may be blind to it, or too afraid to open to.

In the fear of finding our kindred spirit, we bask in our own self-criticizing dialogue with ourselves. We so often demand out of ourselves things that the other may never even want. We spend our days trying to be “perfect” for when they arrive in our lives covered in light and glowing in our eyes! The most fastidious of all activities is the one that self-judges. It isn’t what Mother Nature intended when we came into the world, when we were created. So why should we continue to engage in these self-bending behaviors? It is simply a societal artifact that spans many years, many ages. It is the act of self-hatred to mold us somehow into an image that our beloved will…love! This is the torment of the modern man, hidden, suppressed, sobbing. It is the discrepancy between love and the idea of love, the brainy notions and projections that arise out of our own consciousness that poorly define love for us and demand a specific way of loving. In the physical world, a myriad of limitations may arise in our pursuit of a counterpart.

This occurs firstly through the process of expectation and projection. We muddle their own presence with our own wants and desires, and if self-critique is still not put to rest, criticizing them would only be a matter of time. Perhaps their behaviors weren’t as our expectations dictated, perhaps their image has deteriorated through time, etc. This is the unmasking of what we really must find, in order to truly love.

We must find the eternal light within, the most beautiful love of all, the love of spirit. The love that is truly unconditional, the very love at the bottom of creation, the reason why we are alive! The exuberant love that knows none of the mental chatter, nor does it judge it. It is the selfless love that one reaches through endless blows to ourselves in the shape of external mishaps. They all led to this, and they all tell us something very important, that “someone I waited all this time to arrive was ‘me’”! And this is a joyful encounter, pushed out of endless tries to comprehend love.

In the relationship with ourselves, we must arise triumphant before ever being able to fully find love in another and thrive in it. It is our projected self-image that stands in our way, waving its fingers and telling us to go back, and do some more inner work. It is also these demons that show up when we seemingly fall in love and we still find them there lurking in the dark meddling with the very dynamics of our new-found lover. They will peer into the very fabric of the relationship, for they belong to us, not the other person. We may even attach them to the other person, like a clutch. In the world of thought forms, they can be parasites in our lives, literally. They can do much damage to even the most pristine of relationships. It is this very reason why working through them beforehand is necessary, quite vital to any partnership we wish to enter, if we wish for it to be true and long lasting.

This puts a great safe keep on finding love though, because we will truly be ready to meet the one when we are ready to meet our true self, say “I love you”, and genuinely care for every part of who we are. Then we can move on to others. We must care for the flaws, appreciate them, and care til the very last tiny piece of ourselves. There must be no exception, no discrimination here. This is the nature of unconditional love, and it is quite difficult to realize even in an entire lifetime. It is the essence of who we are and why we are here. To reach this destination is a remarkable feeling, an exhilarating moment of peace, and not with others, not with our lover, but firstly with ourselves.

http://omtimes.com/2013/07/finding-true-love/

———————————————————————————————————

My mum gave me this pair of socks not so long ago, I like the message.Image

By newpaz