Being positive is a process


I have been struggling to find a way to start this blog. There is so much I want to write about but, when you are in a positive place, revisiting tough subjects is the last thing you feel like doing.

So I thought I would talk about being positive. I guess this blog will show my journey to living life positively.

As my About page mentions, I have gone through quite a ride in the last two years. This past week though something clicked in me and I can now say I am genuinely happy, probably for the first time in my life.

How did I get there? Well, I looked deep inside myself and saw what it was I had been doing that had prevented happiness all these years.

It’s not rocket science to be honest. Well it wasn’t for me.

First step I took was to get rid of the one thing that was preventing me from really feeling: alcohol. Like more and more people do these days, and many without realising it, I had taken refuge in the arms of alcohol to avoid dealing with my feelings. It was so much easier to forget about problems after a couple of drinks. Those couple of drinks became many more and more regularly. Until they became my social life. It didn’t help that the people around me had the same philosophy, so it was quite acceptable to have a couple of beers after work and wine with dinner.

But I realised a few months back that this escapism actually makes things worse. This will be an entry for another time though. The influence alcohol has in this world merits its own post.

So I stopped drinking and within a few days, I found all sorts of emotions surfacing that I needed dealing with. It’s funny actually, when you have a clear mind, you are more able to process your emotions. And there I had been, so scared of dealing with them, that I had tried to repress them.

Processing emotions is the only way to a more positive life. Why do I feel this way? How can I stop it?

Slowly but surely I was able to process the emotions that had been holding me back, all my adult life.

And suddenly, one day, I realised what had gone wrong in my life: me!

No more blaming others, no more feeling a victim. When you have that realisation, positivity just opens its doors. Because you realise you are the sole person in control of your life.

I know it’s cliché and you have heard it a million times. But to really understand it, you need to realise you are the problem. You are the one with issues that you need to address. No-one can do that job for you.

And something amazing happened, I realised why my husband left me (my issues didn’t make me a nice person to be around), and even why he went straight to my best friend (he had issues too). People don’t do hurtful things without having their own issues.

And I realised if I had dealt with mine before meeting him, I probably wouldn’t have gone there. It’s the other cliché of like attracting like.

I read a book once by John Gray, and the one phrase that has stuck in my mind ever since is “Your soul attracts what it needs to grow”.

When I look around what my life was like before we broke up, I see us surrounded by people who liked their drink too, as much as we did, one to the extreme that he beat their friend to near death (the chap actually died soon after), blaming the fight on an argument during an alcohol fuelled night. I see people who smoked pot, as I did. I see people struggling to find their purpose. I see broken people.

Now I look around, and yes, there are still people struggling (because let’s not forget that is the problem with the world) but none are drinkers and pot smokers for instance. And the drinkers I do know know they have a problem and are quitting too.

My life is changing for the better because I am changing for the better. Simple.

Now, as the title suggests, being positive is a process. Once you get this realisation, at first you can be very excited, and soon you will come across situations that deflate you, or cause you trouble. That’s when the process truly starts, how you deal with those situations. Either you go back to the old you, disappointed that you couldn’t do it, or you realise that this is life. There will be situations that will test you. All because that’s the problem with the world, it’s full of people with their own issues, and most are in denial.

That’s where I am at now. At the very beginning of my journey to living a positive and happy life. I am learning to deal with situations that might upset me or make me anxious.

I am lucky though because I am starting from a clean slate, being single, having only a handful of friends and doing a job I love. When you start working on yourself, you need space and minimum influences from others to get clarity about your emotions.

So this is where I start my journey. So far so good 🙂

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