Addictions

I want to speak about addictions at some point, but this post is to share a discovery I made today. Which I find quite scary. Because it’s an addiction I didn’t really know about that I have. The worst kind.

On Monday, I decided to try to start drinking water with a slice of lemon in the mornings. At work, I had a coffee and then drunk water.

On Tuesday, I didn’t feel like tea anymore so just drunk my lemon water, and still had a coffee at work.

By Wednesday I was pretty much just drinking lemon water.

Around after lunchtime, I had a phase where I just couldn’t keep my eyes open. So I closed them for a few minutes, and eventually was able to work again.

I started to feel quite low too, but I had something going on with one of my friends so thought that was the cause.

On the way home from work, I had to stop for 10 minutes to rest my eyes, and I even semi doozed off. I just couldn’t focus on driving and had to fight my eyes to keep them open. The last time this happened to me was when I was severely sleep deprived after I split up from my husband. I haven’t been sleeping much of late, but usually 5 to 6 hours, more than enough not to suffer from sleep deprivation.

In the evening, I went to visit my “partner” and after a while, while we were cuddling and relaxing, I just had to leave. I was feeling exhausted yet buzzing, a strange feeling to explain. But I just knew I had to leave and make my journey home (about 20 minutes). I got home about 10:15 and stayed up til 11:30.

This morning at work, they had run out of coffee, so I had a cup of decaf instead.

At around 9:30, I just couldn’t focus and again couldn’t keep my eyes open. I told my boss I needed some air and went to sit in my car for a good 15 minutes and I semi-doozed off again. I was conscious of the comings and goings of people in and out of the building but I just couldn’t open my eyes. I was also feeling really down.

When I came to, I had a think. What on earth could be causing this? Was it the excitement of this new found positivity having a negative effect on me? You know, like a low always follows a high? 

Suddenly, I had a brain wave…I hadn’t had much caffeine since Monday. I grabbed my phone and had a quick search on line for caffeine withdrawal side effects, and there it was:

Sleepiness

This just isn’t your normal tiredness, this is sitting up straight but still can’t keep your eyes open tiredness.

Lethargy

Forget about productivity at this stage because you’ll be unmotivated to do anything.

Depression

Caffeine withdrawal can take away all hope for living. Temporary blues are one thing, but if you already struggle with depression this could be a big issue.

Lack of Concentration

Forget school, studying, brain surgery, or jet engine repair during this stage of withdrawal.

Wow. So I went back to work and had a cup of tea. Within minutes I felt back to my old happy self.

Shit. I have a caffeine addiction I didn’t even know about!

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