Some days ago, I wrote about my realisation on how I really needed to work on forgiving my best friend about what I perceive was her betrayal (starting up with my husband after him and I split).
I started to think who could be the best person to give me advice on how to approach the subject. Ultimately I would have liked to speak to her direct, but in the past, that turned out pretty messy so felt it best to try and reach forgiveness another way.
I decided the one person who knew me, and her, very well was my husband, so I emailed him asking for his help clearing this matter up in my mind. I always valued his opinions in the past and he generally is very good at giving a different perspective to a problem.
Now, the reason why I was able to forgive him was because I realised, through his actions when we split, that he himself had issues. However, I had never realised quite how bad he was until I received his reply yesterday. It was quite an eye opener.
Unfortunately his reply really didn’t help me deal with my feelings about my best friend, but it sure helped me in another way, that I really hadn’t banked on: I no longer feel sad to have lost him. It seems he is lost himself, and doesn’t even realise it.
He has no concept of what friendship is about, he has no empathy, and he seems to be very bitter about how people might express hurt. None of this was directed at me by the way, it’s what transpires through his response, examples he gave to me to explain his view.
I actually feel sad for him now…But not too sad though, because he seems quite happy to be like he is.
I used to value his opinions, now I value mine.
Funny isn’t it, how dealing with your feelings sometimes has unexpected results?