Recently, something quite strange has been happening to me, and it is part of this feeling of disconnection I mentioned in my previous post.
Here is an example of what is happening to me.
A couple of days ago, I fell on this little preview of Louise Hay’s film:
2 mns 20, this is me: at the age of 43 I suddenly realised that I had never loved myself. At all. And so my life had been a mess, desperately looking for love in the wrong places, using alcohol and dope to escape my reality.
In the 24 hours leading to my psychosis, I decided to prove God he had been wrong to give up on us, I suddenly found an enormous amount of love for myself. I felt pride in who I was, not scared of standing up to anyone who I felt was wrong, including him, and explain why. This filled me with an enormous amount of love for myself. True love.
I don’t “need” anyone to love me now because I do that job very well myself. I am confident about who I am and what I stand for. I will debate some of my ideas with others, of course, as I mentioned before this is the best way I learn, however there are some I will NOT budge on.
- I will not tolerate physical violence of any kinds to any living being, whatever your motive.
- I will not tolerate abuse of any kind to any living being, whatever your motive.
- I will not tolerate cruelty of any kind to any living being, whatever your motive.
- I will promote honesty, always.
- I will do my utmost to do what I can to help clear up litter from this earth, starting by my town
- I will learn always, to better myself. I will learn when to speak, when to listen and when to shut up – not easy tasks for me, believe you me.
- I will always be against religion because I believe it to be the cause of far too much trouble in this world, worst still it is the cause of many many deaths.
From this day on I am happy to stand for what I believe, even if I am alone. Because I trust my judgement. If I make a stand for something, it will be something I have thought about long and hard.
Today, I was walking to pick up my car from its service and I was thinking about this awakening – It seems my faith is at its strongest when I wake up, I am one of those rare people who are full of energy on waking up and this is where my connection is at its strongest – and, as it was afternoon, some doubts started to creep in, negative thoughts started to enter my head. “Is this all for real?”, “am I on the right track?” “who do I think I am anyway to think I have the slightest chance of making a difference?”
Thinking back to the original introduction to Louise Hay’s thinking, the film showed a girl filled with negative thoughts and suddenly she falls on a card that a positive person walking past dropped whilst picking up her phone and carried on walking.
I shivered when I found the card.
He knows what it is I deeply want, just a little reminder:
In the meantime, I am going to carry on working on me and my life, working on being the best I can possibly be, nothing else will do now I have had my eyes opened. I am feeling pretty good about myself these days 🙂