I mentioned some time ago that I would share my views about Divorce. To do this though, I have to start by sharing my views about marriage.
I have started to realise many many people get married for the wrong reasons. They look to someone else to complete them. I know this is the reason why I got married and I see it around me time and time again. That is not the reason to get married.
As soon as you look to someone else to complete you, it is bound to failure. The only person you should look at to complete you is yourself. Once you are complete, and this is a pretty long process depending of the damage you suffered during your upbringing, by all means, find a partner, but chances are, you will find it hard to find the right one as they will need to be complete themselves, and there aren’t many people like this in this world.
The worst thing about those relationships that are doomed to fail is that people will always blame the other person for that failure, and this is when the fighting starts. Retribution, emotional blackmail, inability to let go, anger, resentment, all sorts of negative emotions surfaces and directed mainly at the other person. Or directed at yourself, which can be just as bad as your self esteem gets damaged deeply.
It’s ok to have failed. As long as you learn the lessons, look deep into your soul why you create the failure. There is no shame in taking responsibility for your own shortcomings. Nobody is perfect. It’s only by accepting those failures that you can grow. People are so quick to refuse their own darkness. But how can you see the light if you don’t go through the darkness?
The only problem I have with divorce is where there are children involved. My husband and I both said we were so glad there were no children involved when we split up, and I, personally, am very proud that we never had children. The reason why will be for another post, however, I was wised up enough to realise I wasn’t ready to have children and for good cause. My husband never wanted children for his own reasons, so luckily, we spared a child’s life by not having any.
Children are surprisingly resilient and they get over breakups, however the pressure adults put on them in time of divorce is unfair and will always damage them. Always.
For a child to be fully happy and thrive he needs to have a mother and a father who love each other. Simple. More and more children these days have to cope with split parenting, and, don’t fool yourself, it will hurt them. In all the child’s innocence, all they ever want is their mummy and daddy living at home. Unfortunately, as mummy and daddy didn’t get together for the right reasons, that is less and less the case.
In the old days, you stuck by each other, through sick and thin. People just didn’t divorce. Was it a good thing or a bad? I don’t know, I do believe an individual should have a choice to leave a relationship if they are not happy, however, when there is a child involved, the whole game changes in my eyes. Apart in abusive relationships, in which case, the child definitely has to be taken away from the environment.
This past weekend, I went to visit some of my inlaws, a couple with two teenage boys. Their past relationship has been a right upheaval, I can assure you. He has had a few affairs, she has known of a few, they split a couple of times, but remained together. What I saw when I visited them was actually quite a happy couple. Their children are thriving too. I am so happy they managed to work through their difficulties and stuck it together and they now seem very content and happy with life, and I hope they are proud of their children too, I think they are but they didn’t show it, they seemed actually quite humble. Such a heartwarming experience. So I guess working it through can actually work and those two certainly proved this.
I guess when you have children, you have to stop being selfish. Unfortunately these days, people are more and more selfish. A protection from the world maybe? Possibly. However, the world you live in is the world you create for yourself. So if you need to protect yourself from your own world, you may want to review what you have created.