I had a funky experience this weekend, I went to visit my girlfriend who lives in my “hometown” in this country, the town I first moved to and lived for over 10 years when I left France and I took a trip down memory lane.
As I drove through the familiar streets, my mind went back to the various people I had met there and who, with hindsight, had helped me on my journey. I got to think about the various relationships I had had and wondering how those guys are doing now.
I have mentioned before I love all the guys I have ever dated still, not the kind of romantic love though, but I feel a lot of affection for them still and would love to know they are happy.
As I drove home later this weekend, I realised that things would have never worked with any of them because I am not over my first love. This was a great awakening for me. Everything fell into place as to why I have never been able to have a proper relationship, at least one that I see as proper. I have never been able to give of myself fully to anyone, simply because my heart still belongs to Pierre.
Where is he now? What is he doing? I have no way of knowing. It’s of little importance to be honest. That realisation was enough to help me deal with any unresolved emotions I might have felt for any of my exes, in particular my husband, and also realise it is futile for me to get involved with anyone again. I would only repeat the pattern.
Strangely, I don’t mind this state of play. I can’t explain why but it doesn’t frustrate me. I am quite happy to stay single now I know why that is.