A fork in the road

I have reached a point now in my awakening when I need to make a decision.

Before my awakening, as you will see from reading my earlier posts, I was showed the way to a happier life, via positive thinking and something they call the law of attraction.

I have seen for myself that when you “activate” your power of thoughts in a positive way, your whole world changes into a positive one. Life was indeed wonderful when I made this discovery and everything seemed to fall into place for me, things I “asked” I received, many of them.

However, recently, I have opened my eyes fully to the real world. Around me, I see plenty of damaged people, lost souls, nasty people too, a lot of abuse and, I cannot not see it.

A few of the posters that populate my facebook newsfeed talk about spreading love and kindness everywhere and being understanding and forgiving and that is the way to heal the world.

Not me I’m afraid. And I don’t even care if I disappoint the big man.

God knows I have tried to be understanding and forgiving. But there is a limit. There is always a limit.

I had a chat with a new friend today at work, she is the loveliest girl you can meet, from Lithuania I believe, very pretty too and so so kind hearted. She works as a carer for this girl who has some kind of illness which means she is in a wheelchair and her muscles don’t work properly. I met my friend smoking a cigarette outside some time ago and decided we should go for lunch. I didn’t realise the girl in the wheelchair came with her but hey, why not. 

People have instant sympathy for people in wheelchair, don’t you think?

Anyway, today I found out that women is literally making my friend’s life a living hell. And my friend, such a sweetheart that she is, is worried about leaving her employment because she doesn’t want to hurt her.

When I heard how bad she had been treating my friend, I wanted to go and see her and shake her out of her chair and ask her what right does she think she has to treat this lovely person that way, wheelchair or no wheelchair, I cannot tolerate abuse.

And so this is my problem. I cannot “forgive” everyone because not everyone deserves to be forgiven. Everyone deserves a second chance, for sure, but some people don’t even deserve that.

I was thinking in the floatation tank tonight, people who abuse children, animals, old people, don’t deserve to be alive. How very un-jeebus of me hey. 

Enough of forgiving people for repeating the same cycle over and over again too that will hurt other people. I can forgive my husband for leaving me, but I cannot forgive him wanting to wash his hands off me straight away so he could pick up his new life with my best friend.

I cannot forgive my American ex for throwing in my face recently that I killed my dog, no matter how angry he was at me.

I have strong values that I stand by and yes, indeed, I can carry on living in the little dream world of positive thinking and all is rosy but I know this is not me.

And so I have a decision to make.

Am I going to go against the flow? yes. Because as lovely as it was to have everything come my way for a few weeks a few months ago, what really matters to me didn’t. I know I have to go and get it myself. And I know it will hurt to have my eyes truly open to the cruelty of this world, self created mainly by idiots who decide to let their shitty past experiences affect them to the extent they spread their crap around.

The funny thing is, I am not even doing it for me. Because I have sorted out my shit now, on the main. I could so easily not care.

But I tell you, I have too much compassion for people like that girl today to ever turn a blind eye.

So…more thinking for my Zanzibar trip!


By newpaz

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