I have written a few posts about my feelings about men and women and most represented my views following my direct experiences. I have been thinking about the bigger picture and see that the big difference between men and women is responsibility.
Maybe that’s why there are few women in charge in this world, their responsibility, quite rightly, lies with their family, their children and their parents.
Men on the whole appear less concerned about these things and more concerned about making money or changing the world.
I have always said you can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his mother. And most of the “unbalanced” men I have come across in my life have no clue how to handle the most important person in their life, for she gave birth to them.
I know mothers are complex, however, there is a duty of care, at least there should be. Men rarely get this.
Same goes for their children. Many fathers “abandon” their children after a marriage break up. Even when a relationship becomes difficult, I have seen many a time fathers disappearing from their children’s lives, especially to find happiness/comfort elsewhere. Women don’t have that privilege. They have responsibilities that they understand. In my life, I have only met two women who left their family to pursue their own paths, and both, I believe, were made to pay the price. However, lucky for them, they were forgiven by their children. I am not sure I would have been as forgiving.
It took me a long time to forgive my father for detaching from us when he left my mother. In fact, I am not sure I have forgiven him yet. I can only forgive people if they see the error of their ways, that second chance thing. If they don’t I cannot, for I know given the opportunity, they will do it again. Luckily, since my awakening of 2 years ago, my father and I got connected again so I know there is hope. But I can assure you without this reconnection, I would have happily let him be and never bothered with him. He couldn’t be bothered with me during his pursuit of happiness after he left my mum, why should I have bothered with him?
Responsibility comes in all shapes and sizes. Primarily how to care for being you should care for.
One of my favourite sayings is that you can tell a lot about a person from how they treat their dogs/animals for instance. This is a really good sign of a person’s values.
I had a problem with my cats. I got them on the rebound from loosing my dog last year. I made a mistake I will admit. I was scared about the hole my dog would leave in my life and unsure I could function completely on my own, so I got two cats from people who clearly couldn’t look after them.
It’s been a long haul with those two, for some reason they were very unclean and would pee and poo anywhere on the kitchen floor, no matter how clean the litter trays were. I can’t have a catflap fitted either, well not until I stop worrying about money, bite the bullet and organise one anyway (very costly). Then they got in the bedrooms and started messing on the beds.
That made me start to resent them, yet, I carried on as best I could because I felt I had a duty of care to them.
When I was taken into hospital after my “psychosis”, my only worry at the beginning was to make sure my cats were safe and looked after. I had gone back home after 3 days there to pick up some clothes and what I saw broke my heart. I saw two confused little cats, hiding in the shed, highly unsettled. My neighbour was feeding them but I just didn’t like what I saw. I didn’t know how long I would be in hospital so my primary concern was them.
There I was, sectioned under the Mental Health Act, and all I cared about was to make sure those two were looked after.
A couple of months ago, a dog moved into the house, and unfortunately my cats really didn’t bond with him, and would run off every opportunity. So I made home for them in the shed. But nights became really cold and I got worried about them. I tried to re-home them. Not very hard to be honest, but I thought I’d put the feelers out there in case a better home could be found for them. Nothing came up.
Recently, they have started to stay in the kitchen overnight where I made a home for them. With a bit of patience and a bit of faith, everything is turning out ok.
I needed to write all this because that ex I was seeing a few months ago recently threw in my face that not only have I killed my dog but I also cannot look after my cats. Why did he say that?
Because I asked him a really simple question: if he loved his son so much, what was he doing living thousands of miles from him?
Responsibility apparently, eludes some men. Shame. It makes them untrustworthy in my eyes.
If you want to know if the people in your life are good, look at the way they treat their pets, if they have any, and their family. It’s a real eye opener.