I have been feeling a bit tortured these past few days, with this thought of breaking from my prison.
Various thoughts have come into my head about what it is I need to do, the main one that seems to persist is travel. I have this deep desire to see more of the world. In fact, it started 2 years ago when my husband and I split up.
I have been thinking of ways I can do it whilst still keeping a sense of security, for I am not one to just up and go and leave life behind. That really isn’t me. I love road trips however, and my best time in Canada was when I was out on a roadtrip, either with my best friend or with my husband.
One that will stay forever in my mind is the one we made from Alberta to Vancouver Island. I love discovering how people live, and what makes them tic. I also love discovering Nature, and so we took a lot of road less travelled tracks, the best way to explore somewhere.
Travelling without having something to come back to isn’t for me.
This morning I checked my bank account and see that my “life saving” is now amounting to very little. And it upset me on many different levels. The biggest that once again money was “the issue”. Money controls everything in this world. Really it does. Even me.
And so I decided to have a bath and chill. I tend to forget now I have “faith”. Something I never did before. And so, as I chilled, I realised I have to leave all this to the power that be. And suddenly I was calm again.
I had a snooze in my bath, as I do regularly these days and when I woke up, I realised what my dream was, ultimately. And no amount of travelling in the world is going to give me this. I want True Love. Pure and Simple.
Even truer than Adam and Eve’s, as we all know this didn’t end well after Eve did what she did.
So, I shall carry on in my life as best I can and wait. I am very lucky, my life, all in all, is pretty awesome. Yes it’s not perfect, but I have learned to accept that and still be happy.