I was feeling slightly nervous when I took this decision yesterday of ending my Facebook days but also strangely relieved after I put my farewell message.
My heart was warmed by the messages I received and it makes letting it go all the more harder.
I never expected it to be easy. It’s not called a Prison Break for nothing. However, I am taking a leap of faith. What’s the worst than can happen anyway? I come back in a few weeks and pick up where I was. I hope not though. As when I stopped drinking booze, the decision was instant, however the benefits were absolutely unexpected, past the original ride. I am taking a leap of faith that it will be the same for Facebook. I shouldn’t need it to function in life.
Today I am concentrating on wrapping it up properly.
My first thought this morning was, who would I want to find if I reconnected again? And so I have been clearing my friends’ list. Really not an easy task. I didn’t have a big list but many of my friends on there mean a lot to me. More than they probably know or realise.
As I remove them, I think about each and our connection. This is the thing about Facebook isn’t it, it creates attachment. And this is what I am trying to get free of. For I have realised I cannot live the life I want if I have many attachments.
So today I am letting go of a lot of my past. And trying to be as ruthless as I can.
First off, I am removing all the people who live in the same town as me. What is the point of being connected via the web when we can meet up and chat?
Second off, I am removing all the people who wouldn’t care if I am in their life or not. I am pleased about those actually. I have enjoyed watching their lives from afar and seeing it’s all doing well.
Third off I am removing the people I should have removed a long time ago but never dared, for one reason or other. Those feel easy.
So far, I have reduced my list to 45. Still too many but there comes a time when it doesn’t matter who is left. Because really, deep down, my hope is never to come back.
I don’t want to share my life in a virtual environment anymore. I want to live it for real.
And I will tell you a little secret that I now realise what prompted all this for me.
The other day, I saw a comment my husband made on a mutual friend’s wall. Nothing much, just his results to a grammar test our friend had posted. I wanted to like his comment, then I stopped myself. I realised that I still had an attachment to him. I then thought maybe I should ask him to block me again, as he had after we split. Then I realised how silly that was. And then how silly Facebook was. How it had become such a big part of my life. So big, that it prevented me from having a life, despite all the people it has connected me with.
Then I thought about my wall. And realised that all the stuff I shared on it were bits of me that really in the grand scheme of things, don’t mean anything to anyone.
The people I really matter to are my family and we don’t use Facebook to stay connected, thank God.
The friends who really matter are friends in real life, people I see. And I hope me disconnecting off Facebook will help grow some new friendships in the real world too. I had a girl whom I had accepted as a friend who I didn’t have a clue who she was, emailing me saying she would like to stay in touch, so I gave her my mobile number and said we should meet up for a drink. See, I already see a positive to what I am doing.
The other positive that I am quite excited about is that I put a message on the Social Group asking if anyone wanted to take over in my absence, a bit worried as I have a strong idea of how that group should be run, especially the sentiment behind it (kindness) and I have seen many people getting carried away with the power running such a group gives and I was worried how I would select the appropriate person.
Within minutes of putting the message, I received an email from a young lad, that I remember joined earlier in the group to enter a photo competition, I can’t remember his age exactly but I believe he is about 14. Perfect. Still innocent, still fresh, still excited about life. I have asked to meet him, because, part of the reason I am disconnecting is to reconnect with the real world, but I have a feeling he will be perfect to run this group.
Disconnecting off something like Facebook is really a great way to take stock of your life. What matters, what doesn’t. Perfect preparation for what I am about to undertake: building the life I want.