Since I started my “silence”, helped by disconnecting from Facebook, I have found I am learning to truly listen.
To me and my feelings but also to the world around me.
Recently, a few people have come into my life with messages and because of the magnitude of them all, I couldn’t hear them properly, it all felt too much. Now there is quiet in my life, I can.
I am starting to realise everyone I come across can teach me something. And maybe that’s why I needed to disconnect from the virtual world, so I could take time to hear the messages.
For example, I now realise that the American guy I dated for a while was right, what my cats, whom I had problems with, needed was a space to call home in my house, and they have now elected to sleep in the small spare bedroom I have. That makes me so happy. This morning, as I was taking my bath, one of the cats came and played in the shower cubicle. He used to do this before the resident dog moved in and neither of them had ventured upstairs since, it makes me so happy to see them treating this house as theirs again.
Not all the messages are positive, but when I hear one that is negative, it makes me think about my own feelings on the matter.
For instance I had lunch with a special friend, for her course at work was what precipitated my awakening the weekend before my psychosis, yesterday and, as she mentioned her marriage, which I know nothing about, I noticed she was very dismissive and obviously still hurt and angry by what had happened. As I said, I don’t know what happened and don’t need to know to see how she is still feeling now.
It made me realise that it was never the way I wanted to speak about my marriage. And so early in the night, I gave some thoughts to it to see where I was and realised I was quite happy to be friends with my husband now, if he wants the friendship of course, whereas some weeks back I had decided I never wanted to be in touch with him again. That also made me realise I was fine with what had happened now and there was no reason not to be in touch anymore. I am pretty sure he still has a lot to teach me, as, one of a recent friend commented on him not long ago, he is a very complex man.
I have an incredible desire to learn at the moment, and I am pretty pleased to see I have various sources in my life to learn, some from the videos I watch on line, others from the book I have chosen to read, some from the people already in my life, and more from the people that will come across my path, some by just overhearing conversations when shopping!
It’s a new dawn for me, as I have never listened, all my life.