This morning, as my thoughts drifted taking my bath before work, I got thinking about the tattoo that young boxer has that fascinates me. He has this big tattoo across his upper chest that says in latin: “Only God will judge me”.
A picture paints a thousand words:
And a bit of gratuitous eye candy too 😉
I have always been fascinated by that tattoo, because of its message. I know enough about his private life to understand perfectly well what it means to him. His rebellious nature, his fierce independence, how his own darkness has affected his life and made him take some decisions that were not the wisest. However I also know what his soul looks like, he is a very descent guy with plenty of love for the people who matter to him, who has had it really tough in life, and yet his heart is always in the right place. With me anyway, he has always been the most sensitive and respectful guy. A very gentle soul hides behind this angry tattoo.
That tattoo got me thinking about the big man, God, whatever it is people want to call him. I have explained before, God is the name that suits me, because of the dog in reverse thing, although I have realised through my observations, that this name gets associated to religions and to blind faith and therefore awakened people like to refer to him as something else, Source seems to be the name de rigueur these days.
I got thinking that if God really made us in his image, there is no way he’ll get to judge me. Because humans aren’t perfect, and therefore this means God can’t be either. In fact, really when you think about it, it is clear he isn’t. And so I will never let anyone imperfect be the judge of me. If anyone has to judge me, it will be me. You know what they say, you can be your bestest friend or your own worst enemy.
The thing is I see God as different to the one portrayed in religions. In fact my relationship with him is pretty different. On very rare occasions when I do feel a deep connection to him these days, I know he is always there because of the signs I see regularly but I don’t connect with him very often, I guess I don’t need to. On occasions when I meditate and I find myself having a chat with him, all I feel is love. It’s very hard to explain or describe. I just feel love take over my whole being and usually, it is such a good feeling that I have soft tears rolling down my eyes, as I am overwhelmed by the feeling and a lot of gratitude. I have never experienced something quite like this before. And this tells me that God is no judge.
People best realise they are their own judges. Face their shortcomings and deal with them if they want to be happy, liberated and “good people”, it’s the only way to emotional freedom.
I know I don’t speak about God much in this blog, and this is because, as I do with everything, I am still trying to understand the connection and I can’t share my thoughts until I have sussed what’s going on.
As I said previously, I am still observing that whole spiritual world and decide what feels right to me. My psychosis episode came into my mind this morning too, as I was driving to work. I don’t think about that event much these days but I know it holds the key to a lot of stuff and in particular to my spirituality. Maybe I should write about what happened in detail soon, it might help me process it and try and understand exactly what took over me that day. As I know without a shadow of a doubt it wasn’t God.