Something has been going round in my mind since my Psychosis and I need to let it out.

I have a problem with homosexuality.

I never realised I did until the Psychosis weekend. During that time, I had got a pad out to write down stuff I needed to write – I did the same during my Psychosis in Canada.

On that pad this time around I only wrote two things. The first, at the very top of the page, neatly written was “homelessness” underlined.

The second, right in the middle and aggressively written was “Fag” and every so often I would walk past the pad and angrily circle the word, not really in control of what I was doing. At the time, in my confused mind, I thought it was something to do with my smoking, Fag being the slang word given to cigarettes in the UK. And every time I circled it, I would have another cigarette, in defiance.

It’s only some time later that I clicked Fag also meant homosexual.

Now let’s get this straight before I write any further, I have no problems with homosexuals, what people do with their body is their business and I couldn’t care less who they choose to sleep with, as long as it is between consenting parties. I have myself dabbled in homosexuality and feel no shame for it, in fact, I am glad I did because I understand the attraction. In any case, for me as a woman, I love women’s body, always have, always will. Women really are beautiful creatures.

However, I feel that the “right connection” is between a man and a woman. And my observations since my Psychosis tells me that is indeed how it “should be” in a balanced world. And I see homosexuality as a sign this world is deeply unbalanced.

I have noticed that nearly all homosexuals have had abuse, sometimes sexual, or neglect of some kind in their past which may have affected their emotional balance and rendered them unable to connect properly with someone of the other sex.

I have also noticed that in most, if not all, homosexual couples, one is the female side and one is the male side. I was looking at pics on Facebook a few weeks ago of a work mate who got married to her partner in Canada, the Rockies to be precise, beautiful backdrop, and, her bride was wearing a lovely wedding dress and she was wearing a very smart suit. In a male couple, there is always one more effeminate than the other.

Again I will repeat I do not care about it. When I do care though is when people are pushing their sexuality on to us as if it is perfectly normal. Even better, or worse, apparently the genetics making is changing and people are now born homosexual. I let you think about the implication of this.

I got rather angry shortly before leaving Facebook at the whole thing for three reasons.

One of my workmates, who is as straight as guys come, was singing a rather feminine song, it made me laugh and I said “You sound so gay!!” and another colleague pipped up that we will have no homophobia in the office thank you very much – how is saying someone sounds gay homophobic? Gays are different, there are no questions about it and I feel his comment was out of place – I didn’t say anything as work was not the time nor the place to have a full on debate about the subject.

The other event that happened that really annoyed me happened on Facebook not long before I left. I had been trying to meet up with our new councillor to discuss ways to improve the town’s litter issue – he had made this as a main point to tackle during the first 6 months he was elected so I thought him and I could work together since I had started a facebook group to get people together and give them a voice and a platform for action. 

After 2 months of trying to meet up with him, I gave up. He was always too busy to care it seemed. And then one day, I saw on one of the newsfeeds on facebook, the one above the IM list, a friend posting something about whether calling someone gay was acceptable – obviously the conversation interested me after what had happened with my colleague and I clicked on his comment to see what the consensus was. And this is when I discovered our councillor was gay and he had started the whole conversation whether calling someone Gay, as an insult, was acceptable. I was gob smacked. 

When I wrapped up the Clean up group before leaving Facebook, I was so tempted to write a comment along the lines that our Councillor, who was part of the group, preferred spending time talking about his sexuality on Facebook that actually do something about the litter issue. 

I didn’t of course because I know it would have achieved nothing.

The last point that got me worked up, and probably more than any of the others, was relating to one of my new random friends on Facebook who was someone awakened. Truly awakened.

His profile pic on Facebook was what had attracted me to him, because of the colourful fist, I hadn’t really noticed the symbols on the wrist as it happens. Now though, I have realised that picture is exactly what is wrong with homosexuals. 


Excuse me for pointing out, there is one symbol missing, in fact probably three. One of the woman, one of the man and one of the heterosexual couple symbol.

People are people in my eyes, it shouldn’t matter about their sexuality, gender or colour.

And when people start forcing their orientation, which ever one it is, on you, we have a problem.

“Man” has been doing it since the beginning of time, “women” tried to do via the feminism movement, now Gays are at it – enough already.

Luckily I know I am not the only one with this view, in fact one of big bods at work was recently elected an ambassador for gays, lesbians and transsexuals in the UK it was announced on our intranet. There was a link to an article where it was mentioned in one of the more serious newspapers in the UK – what I read made me write to him directly to congratulate him on his achievement. He’d got it right – yes, of course they have a right, but it wasn’t about forcing it down anyone’s throat, people are people and each have a right to be, was the gist of the article.

It really is all about balance. I hope when the gays, lesbians and transsexuals have found their balance, they’ll get on with just being, like the rest of us. And then we can all get on working together to help make this a better world, for all.

By newpaz

2 comments on “Balance

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