Sex is on my mind this morning again.
My friend and I had a conversation last night about unconditional love. It all started when I mentioned to him my plan to write to prisoners on death row and he asked me why and we ended up talking about unconditional love.
This morning, as I was trying to get inspiration to have a little play, my mind went back to a time my husband and I truly connected sexually, probably the only time. It was back in Zanzibar, the second time we went there. We were extremely hungover, the previous night will stay in my mind for ever too, it was the time we very nearly had a threesome with the most beautiful, sexy girl I have ever met. We didn’t, because when the crunch came to the crunch, I didn’t feel able to put our relationship, or me more to the point, to this test. It was a great evening though and there was no pressure, no-one actually spoke about what might happen, we just knew the option was there and I guess they were waiting on me to make the first move.
In my fascination with sex, earlier this year I entered the world of swingers. I had always had a little interest in that world as I always wondered what people were like – I could never get my head around how you could possibly be happy with your partner getting intimate with someone else, let alone right in front of your eyes.
So I joined a swingers’ site and watched.
It was mainly full of single people wanting sex without strings but in the forums, there were true swingers contributing and reading the various posts, it gave me a good idea what swinging was about and what it gave people.
I did post a couple of questions on there about why the need to do it, some of my questions had a biase that something must be wrong with people wanting to do it and I am glad to say I wasn’t flamed. Those not comfortable with what they were doing stayed away and those completely at ease kindly took the time to answer truthfully. And I saw that indeed, not only some of the couples loved each other so deeply that it added another dimension to their love to enjoy seeing their partners with other people – the ultimate freedom, but they were also that secure in their feelings for each other, it didn’t matter to them whether it happened or not.
I took things one step further too in my observations and my friend with benefits and I decided to try out a swingers club.
Both feeling a bit anxious and excited, we set off for a club we found not too far from where I live.
Nothing too weird happened there for us, although we had fun for sure and, if he ever came back into my life, this is definitely something I would do again with him – we were just perfect together for this experience – but it did open a whole new world for me: this world of true sexual liberation.
And I loved it. I loved not caring about being naked, and I loved how nobody cared either. There were no perverts there at all, everyone was so so friendly. It’s that friendliness that touched me the most. Everyone was so relaxed, and there was no pressure – in fact we had a chat at the end of the night with one of the people who ran the place when she asked us how the evening went while we were waiting for our taxi. We explained it had been an unexpected evening, everyone had been so nice, although we had been surprised no-one seemed to approach us and she said we were left alone to do our own thing so we could relax. It is an unwritten word in those places that newbies are left alone to explore – how nice was that.
The other best bit about the place was that the whole place was set as such that you didn’t have to “see” anything you didn’t feel comfortable seeing too – that was definitely nice for me because I sure didn’t want to see people at it everywhere. So even in their sexual liberation, there was still a respect for one another.
How confident in yourself, in your relationship and your love for each other must you be to be able to partake in something like this hey?
So many people say “I couldn’t do it”, maybe they should ask themselves why.
I now know I could, and that realisation helps me deal with the most painful part of my husband being with my best friend – the hardest bit has always been to accept that she might give him more pleasure sexually than I ever could.
Unconditional love is very easy to explain – it is love – without any conditions.