After my initial anxiety issue this morning, I spent most of the day just chatting with my lodger in the backyard. If the weather is nice, it seems to be what I do these days, with one lodger or the other.
Chatting is good, although invariably the conversation turns to mental health at some point and eventually, I feel uncomfortable to remind myself of what I have done when in manic/psychosis mode. I really was that crazy. Me, who has never suffered anything like this before three years ago. It scares me to think my mind can disconnect and malfunction that much.
Late afternoon, I was invited to a BBQ. At first the thought got me anxious, I thought there would be lots of people and I don’t do lots of people these days. I always used to be quite confident and outgoing, especially after a few drinks, now I like to hide. My lodger recommended I took an anti anxiety tablet she had been prescribed, so I took half of one after ascertaining they wouldn’t interfere with my current medication. It helped me relax. I then found out the BBQ would be only four people, so I was happy to go.
See the problem is I don’t do large gathering, but particularly when there’s drinking involved. I don’t drink much these days out of choice. And finding myself with people who are getting drunk is not my idea of fun. I would like to say it was fun to be out, and it beat staying home doing nothing, but it was still a strain. I hate feeling like this, it’s like I am forever convalescing.
But I went, spent most of it cooking the food truth be told, something I always enjoyed doing before, had a good chat or two and left when alcohol started to flow too much to retreat to the safety of my own home.
Hopefully, that means I don’t need to add social anxiety to my mental health issues.
Oh, and I found out today, by looking at the report the work doctor did a few weeks ago that I come under the Disability Act now…