Happy New Year 🙂
For the past few days I have been thinking about a New Year entry. Typically a time of year for reflection, I always used to see New Year’s Eve as a bit of a reset button, putting one year behind and “try better next year” feeling.
This year, I haven’t been able to do this. The only reset I did was last night:
instead of going out to a venue in a nearby city to see various DJs as I had planned, I decided to stay home. I had had quite an emotionally charged day at work, as it had been my last day there, and as fun and exciting the day had been, all I wanted was peace and quiet when I got home.
So I cancelled my plans and reset my laptop back to its factory settings instead – it had become slow and was annoying me.
I promptly fell asleep after I had done all the work required before pressing the reset option (moving all I needed off the laptop and on to my external drive) and woke up at 23:54, with my laptop all reset and ready to be set up again and just in time to see the fireworks out there and feel an intense aweness as I could hear and feel the whole town’s joy and hopes of the New Year.
I love that feeling every year – this year somehow I felt even more aweness, despite not being part of any celebrations.
I have already pressed the reset button back earlier last year see. I wish I remembered the exact day I “woke up” and decided it was time to change, once and for all, but I really can’t pinpoint it.
It started when I got rid of my troublesome lodger in February (an alcoholic who was dragging me down in her descent), carried on when I decided to quit another toxic relationship I had in my life in March I believe it was – my on/off thing with the American guy – then decide to accept my reality (that I was on my own in life and I’d best get used to it) once and for all.
Then, from June, I decided to work on me, 100% of my spare time.
I started to learn all I could about me (a Human Being) via books, podcasts, youtube videos and lectures, Facebook pages and groups (via a new anonymous account), researching anything and everything to do with human behaviour, from all angles possible – science, psychology, philosophy and even spiritually.
All this work required me to make space in my life: to afford me time and clarity.
So I detached myself from Facebook by de-activating my personal account in August, freeing so much of my time spent frivolously.
All culmulated to finally being able to create a Mind Map, putting down on paper all I want/need to work on in my life.
It is such a nice feeling to wake up on New Year’s Day and not need to think about any New Year Resolutions – all being in place already.
I was speaking with someone I know about the changes I made recently, and she wanted to know exactly how my decisions had improved my life.
I don’t see her much so one can understand her question – my work colleagues for instance clearly saw the results the changes I had made were producing (so I have been told) : a thinner, happier Me.
My friend is on the edge of starting this journey, however she seems to see it as an abyss rather than getting to the top of the mountain.
I had always been at the bottom of the mountain, most of my life looking up and wondering what mystical life resided up there, hearing many good things about it but unable to climb; I just seemed to be going around and around on its the thorny bottom path.
Last year, I decided to climb the mountain.
I have no clue where I am at in my ascension, but I sure know the climb has been amazingly fun this past year, with so many good panoramic spots on the way that provided Awe moments, it feels more like a walk in the park than a hard, tenious climb.
In fact, I have enjoyed the climb so much, I don’t care what awaits me at the top of the mountain, how long it will take me to get there, if I even ever get there.
I think I know what is up there now though, for the more I walk up, the more I experience this amazing feeling: Personal Freedom.
If I were to give one tip on how to get there – I could give many – the only that would cover it all is this:
Knowing yourself isn’t just a case of saying “I know who I am”. It is a case of asking: who am I, why am I like this, can I be different, who do I want to be, how do I change?
Once you have asked yourself all these questions and start to work on finding the answers, then you should see what needs changing and get on with it.
The only challenge I have set myself for this New Year, around mid-December time, was to quit smoking on 15th February.
The rest of my life can just carry on how it has been going.
There will no doubt be other challenges – that’s how life works – but I am no longer scared of those: challenges are how you grow.
The only challenge I know of that is outside of my control for this coming year is my dad is about to start a fight for survival – having been diagnosed with liver cancer in December. He says he is fine with it so I am fine with it.
The rest is all mapped out in my Mind Map.
Bits by bits, I will just carry on the walk up the mountain. I hope there will be more of those amazing views on the way.