And Fear turns into Joy

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Fear is an interesting emotion. Solely based on imagination of the unknown, fear evokes a flight or fight response in all of us, I may even venture that most of our actions in life are as a result of fear, and most would rather avoid the feeling altogether.

I choose another option: acknowledging it and seeking to understand it.

Last week, by chance of circumstances, having met a guy with whom I experienced a deep, intense and literally magnetic physical chemistry, I realised what my biggest fear was: Love, and I grabbed that fear as an opportunity to work on it.

First: acknowledge the fear.

As he is emotionally unavailable (in an open marriage) and thus I have no emotional attachment to him, I was able to speak to him freely to get to the bottom of this fear. So I explained to him how unsettled I was with the realisation that he would be someone I could easily fall in love with.

The perception he offered in response blew me away: “If being with me stirs up a desire to love within you, isn’t it a wonderful thing?”

I stopped and let that possibility sink in.

I then realised in the past two months I had been lucky to have had a strong connection with three individuals who, put together, would be my perfect partner:

  • The chap I met in Amsterdam on a deep Soul connection
  • The chap I came across on Facebook on a Mental/Intellect connection
  • The chap I came across on a swinging site on a Body (Chemistry) connection.

Mind, Body, and Soul. Each in different individuals. The complete connection.

yin-yang-heart

How lucky am I to have had the chance to have a taste of each level of connections recently?

How exciting to think I may one day come across someone who touches me on all three levels?

How could I fear love now I know what it is I want and have had proof it exists, there actually are individuals out there that can offer exactly what I seek?

Why did I fear love? What was there to fear? What was the worst that could happen?

As I thought about the last set of questions, I just couldn’t come up with anything that made sense.

Risk of being single? I am there already and very happy in my little world.

Risk of being loved? What a wonderful feeling this must be.

Risk of loving? Loving is the most wonderful emotion one can experience.

I just couldn’t figure out what risks there were letting love into my life.

I then realised, something I learned from the Amsterdam chap, I was scared of love because I hadn’t trusted myself. I hadn’t trusted myself to make the right decisions.

In the past I had chosen many partners based on fear – fear of being alone, fear of not being loved or lovable – and had made many mistakes. I had actually brought on all the heartache to myself as inevitably those relationships crumbled.

I just hadn’t known what I wanted.

Now I do:

I want the whole package: Mind, Body and Soul connection. Nothing else will do. Now I have had a taste of what each connection feels like – absolute bliss – I cannot imagine what it would feel like to have all three into one – really I cannot.

I am, however, very excited to realise that one day…it could happen!

Excitement about the future sure is a much better emotion than fear.

In the meantime that this person may materialise in my life, I shall fully enjoy the Body connection I am lucky to be experiencing intensely currently, a great opportunity to learn all I need to about my body.

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One day, I will be ready for that man to walk into my life.

“Named must your fear be before banish it you can.” Yoda

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