Fear is an interesting emotion. Solely based on imagination of the unknown, fear evokes a flight or fight response in all of us, I may even venture that most of our actions in life are as a result of fear, and most would rather avoid the feeling altogether.
I choose another option: acknowledging it and seeking to understand it.
Last week, by chance of circumstances, having met a guy with whom I experienced a deep, intense and literally magnetic physical chemistry, I realised what my biggest fear was: Love, and I grabbed that fear as an opportunity to work on it.
As he is emotionally unavailable (in an open marriage) and thus I have no emotional attachment to him, I was able to speak to him freely to get to the bottom of this fear. So I explained to him how unsettled I was with the realisation that he would be someone I could easily fall in love with.
The perception he offered in response blew me away: “If being with me stirs up a desire to love within you, isn’t it a wonderful thing?”
I stopped and let that possibility sink in.
I then realised in the past two months I had been lucky to have had a strong connection with three individuals who, put together, would be my perfect partner:
- The chap I met in Amsterdam on a deep Soul connection
- The chap I came across on Facebook on a Mental/Intellect connection
- The chap I came across on a swinging site on a Body (Chemistry) connection.
Mind, Body, and Soul. Each in different individuals. The complete connection.
How lucky am I to have had the chance to have a taste of each level of connections recently?
How exciting to think I may one day come across someone who touches me on all three levels?
How could I fear love now I know what it is I want and have had proof it exists, there actually are individuals out there that can offer exactly what I seek?
Why did I fear love? What was there to fear? What was the worst that could happen?
As I thought about the last set of questions, I just couldn’t come up with anything that made sense.
Risk of being single? I am there already and very happy in my little world.
Risk of being loved? What a wonderful feeling this must be.
Risk of loving? Loving is the most wonderful emotion one can experience.
I just couldn’t figure out what risks there were letting love into my life.
I then realised, something I learned from the Amsterdam chap, I was scared of love because I hadn’t trusted myself. I hadn’t trusted myself to make the right decisions.
In the past I had chosen many partners based on fear – fear of being alone, fear of not being loved or lovable – and had made many mistakes. I had actually brought on all the heartache to myself as inevitably those relationships crumbled.
I just hadn’t known what I wanted.
Now I do:
I want the whole package: Mind, Body and Soul connection. Nothing else will do. Now I have had a taste of what each connection feels like – absolute bliss – I cannot imagine what it would feel like to have all three into one – really I cannot.
I am, however, very excited to realise that one day…it could happen!
Excitement about the future sure is a much better emotion than fear.
In the meantime that this person may materialise in my life, I shall fully enjoy the Body connection I am lucky to be experiencing intensely currently, a great opportunity to learn all I need to about my body.
One day, I will be ready for that man to walk into my life.