This realisation I had about Desire unsettled me somewhat these past few days. I now realise it is because it brought up a few questions about this thing called love and whether it actually exists.
See, this past month I got to experience desire. Rather, I got to feel desired. By three different individuals on three different levels. I would venture:
- A soul connection with the Amsterdam homeless artist, with whom I spent many many hours unveiling the newly discovered inner me. And with whom I decided nothing physical would happen, because it would spoil the experience, and he somewhat relunctantly agreed.
- An intellectual connection with a chap I came across on FB, who told me when we got chatting that he had been attracted to my mind for a while. And who with interestingly when he saw my pic, the intellectual connection seemed to go out of the window. And as he was married, I preferred to sever our connection the following day.
- An intense online “physical” chemistry with someone I got chatting to on a swingers site which became an intense physical attraction when we met up. [This latter encounter also made me realise I couldn’t do sex without feelings.]
So you could say I have experienced strong desires from those individuals, yet none of those desires were founded on anything real. None of those people really knew me, not even the slightest, yet, they were attracted to me.
This is what has made me realise that desire is never based on anything real, but rather on an imagined, pure speculation outcome.
I also realised how intoxicating feeling desire can be. All because you are getting some attention.
Lastly, I realised that you only desire someone for the effect they have on you (the imagined effect as, remember, you don’t know that person in the slightest at the beginning). So you could say desire is purely Ego driven. And Ego driven emotions certainly have to be avoided.
All this got me thinking that desire isn’t real. Cannot be real.
Yet, “love” comes from desire. You always desire someone first then, move on to Love.
However, how can you love someone when the feeling comes from a false emotion (desire)?
And that question makes me think possibly love (the romantic one) doesn’t exist.
That’s kind of unsettling.