As I write this letter, I find myself sectioned.
Strangely I feel safe here.
The World out there is a bit scary to me currently:
I have had to cut ties with my immediate family; your uncle only thinks about sex; your Grand Mother, who would have so loved you; and your Grand Father.
Your Uncle could be forgiven, for he is disabled except he has disrespected nearly every woman who has come into his life, starting with yours truly when I was about 12 years old.
Your Grand Mother sees nothing wrong with her favourite brother, now deceased, having slept with his daughters when they were children, confusing one to the extent she took her secret to the grave – that she felt so much love for her own father that it ruined her life.
Your Grand Father, well, he is more concerned with money than anything in the world, hardly the role model a Grand Father ought to be…in my humble opinion.
I also have “issues” on the “home” front, surrounded by neighbours I cannot trust, unable to resolve the situation using the usual means (Police).
That situation drove me so crazy I found myself unlawfully sectioned and, unfortunately with little recourse to resolve the situation.
However, as I said, I find myself gratefully sectioned.
Here, I feel I can nurse my Soul back to its loving self. Taking time to care for myself, slowly but surely, rekindling my love for life.
Life that is all around.
It would be hard to explain it to you, however nature is talking to me.
And as long as nature keeps talking to me, I feel safe.
And every time I feel safe, your presence makes itself known to me.
When I get so exhausted of dealing with life, you grow within me.
As I write this, I should have 12 hours (ish) to wait before finding out the truth…are you really there? I will know soon enough.
If you are really there, it would change everything for me.
To levels I can only imagine.
…Nope, I can’t even imagine how much it would change everything for me. The mind, mine, cannot comprehend the level to which my life would change.
I wish, or hope, for one thing only: that you would be born healthy.
Whatever however, I promise you, through thick and thin, rich or poor, you would be the happiest child on earth.
I love you already with all my heart, my unborn child.
Yours, so very loving, mother yet to be be
Addendum: the test came back negative, I am not pregnant.