I woke up with a bad dream this morning, centered around Frodo.
His loss still affects me so. Grief is a funny thing, it never leaves you it seems.
Frodo left me too early and through no fault of my own yet I feel responsible for his death.
Partly a reason why I never wanted children. I couldn’t handle anything happening to them. It may come from being brought up with two disabled brothers, it may come from just who I am, a worrier or a carer.
Lately I have been thinking it has been lucky Frodo isn’t with me anymore as I couldn’t have coped with being sectioned and having to have him in a kennel all this time.
I feel I wasn’t in a position to look after him after my marriage broke down – how do people with kids cope? Yet they do, particularly sad this time of year where not every parent will get to see their kids for Christmas.
It’s pretty common now isn’t it, this broken family status quo?
My family broke down over 20 years ago and I am still not over it. As I blogged earlier.
My dog Frodo was my everything, and when everything fell apart, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to look after him. He couldn’t stay back in Canada either. Being back with me was the best solution my ex husband told me at the time.
Was it? I will forever feel responsible for not giving him the life he had before all went wrong.
I couldn’t live with that guilt towards a child.